back at it.confused.yet hurt all in one

so im abck it i once again in my life. so the bestfriend that still lives got married and now is in the navy. a lifetime committment.yea so not cool with me but he is grown i cant make decisions for him. im sitting here looking at pictures over and over again..i cnt seem to get him back this time.there is not gonna be a call in a few weeks days or even months there is no coming back to this point where we once were at with each other. everyone new we were bestfriends..everyone new that it was ez n nik..no one every tried to break that up until she came along and i didnt make it clear enough to you or her that me n you been in it to win it for a long time and that she could be apart of it for your personal sake...im so not a blocker never have been never will be...but i got a red flag when she got an emailed me bout moms..his moms that is...you are kicked off the list when you say nasty words about the parents no matter what has happen even if they are wrong you never do that..its just wrong to call them out of their names..i hope and pray this move was your decision and not her's cause i can see your already living in hell...yea you been there since the record store night. i could tell in your eyes. this wasnt somthing you wanted to stick with but you did for the sake of love you thought you were in. i only can as about you now thur grandmother..she says your ok but who really even knows if you are..i love you so much you would understand it.so what im gonna do is continue to pray about it and not worry cause the only one who holds the key to our hearts is really God.. he is the only one that make it better or should i say make a rainy day into a SUNNY one with birds singing.

thinking......

so i been thinking all day how things arent goin my way...why is that...we only have 5 weeks of school. then i sadly have to go back to memphis for the summer...maybe this will be my time to stack money and get my car and return back to school on top of my shit....i just hate that im goin back to memphis...i hate it..i really wanna stay here in nashville but im wanting my own place...so it all depends on what happens in these next few weeks.....
so i might be goin to cali for a summer trip but i really wanna go to DC for the 4th of july...i could see my cousin and chill shop eat some good food and be at peace..

personal feelings

so yea today was a good day. i slept till i wanted which was late in my day. i watched a few movies on the TV and rested. then went to the alpha fish fry..nice nice...then chilled with my my and mica. went to my fav O'Charley's reminded me of this date i went on but thats no longer important right now. but any who ... Mr. Shockin upset me yesterday. i wasnt p-d-a-ing which he thought was me not wanting to be around him in publice or somthing really crazy.. well world if you didnt know now you do...i HATE PDA as for myself...im a very private person when it comes down to it. i like to keep my pda behind doors...its nobdy's business what i like to do with my MAN damn....no im not ashamed of you i just keep my personal life personal..thats why its my personal life not public....but there is no reason for him to be upset...but any who..i had afew thoughts of Mr. (EX)Husband durin the week...they were kind of good thoughts although i dislike this sitcome he wants to act out...but its now sunday and i need to get up for church so this is good nite.and...

im still all wraped up in it....