go wit that feelin

you ever

you ever had that day where everything went the way you wanted it to. the bestfriend who was always there for you when ever you needed them. ever begin to like someone and fall to hard to fast. ever thought you new someone and didnt know a damn thing about the. remember how you were in love with that high school sweet heart. they did every thing right. played a great game got an all A on their report cards. it just seems when i get what i like and want..something is wrong with it. if you know me then you know that i dnt like to argue over anything thing big or little. i like to work things out with out going so hard on each other. i care for you and like you alot but i wouldnt dare stress myself over you and the things you may do witout me around. i dnt have time to stress like that. i have a future to create and if it doesnt envlove you then O Freakin well...imma make it on my own. i dnt have to depend on you but you know after all said and done....you get that lonly feeling ike damn when am i gonna get that great guy i really like and that he is the one God placed on your life. ever cry your eyes out to God. and not ask Why just ask what to do...yea..i know how you feel. im the girl who doesnt like her busness out on front st. im not the one you put ur nose in my shit and go tell everyone cause i will find out and it aint gon be pretty. i feel if your grown that you dnt have to remind ppl over and over...they know by the way you walk talk act and by your charecter. it aint bout who business you kow or the latest of what is wrong with other ppl's lives. this is alot i know but its just how i am feeling at this point and time.

life

so im happy but unhappy with certain ppl. wen that happens i tend to say fuck them and move on..i just hate it wen i cnt get ova the shit they do and say and the way they act. i have come to this today that i want my own now. i have it to a certain point but i want my own. i wantmy own so nobody can tell me that i cant use this or that..or naw u cnt drive my car..cause its my own...nobdy can tell me shit wen its my own..on a great note though my business is bout to be on an pooping. so that is grand as hell to me...i really jus feel like some bits of my life will never be the same after u let ppl(ex's) ruining your outlook on men and their goals... ive looked pass that and gotten hurt once again but cnt let that stop me..i want my King whom God made for me and this world of ours. only time will tell and thats Gods plan...but i have to be thankful for everything that God has done in my life. I have a job great bestfriends and family who truly cares for me. i just wonder didi make a mistake in bein with this person..ppl say wen you ask ur self that you answered that question. but i dnt believe that one bit i believe that some times before marriage u have to reassure yourself that God has a plan and you should follow it and not give up...every one has questions...no question is a stupid one...i just know that im a Chasing my dreams every time i open my eyes...cause God has allowed me too.

faith still wrapped up..........................

Damn...will it be ok

so i have this feelin that im fallin hard and that i something i try to move myself way from. point being i dnt trust niggas point blank.when one gets hurt its hard to recover from that..even years from that hurt..you have to build that trust back in yourself and trusting your heart with yourself is important 1st then the maybe trusting it with someone else. i just hope that he feels the same way...im 20..im not lookin for marriage...that aint on my list of important things this week..but for the semester is to try my best to let God lead me in the right path...even though things have happen which i cant understand why me...now is the factor is will i be in a different place in jan. if so how will i handle these things. i know i have God to depend on but thats the only dependable person i know will be one hundred behind me....yea some wont like it but its my life and i have to do what i feel like i can handle because God just so happen put it on me..i gotta show him that i can make it and im a believer and a true one at that.
is this real...is my only question.i have received so much in these past few months is this real or is it a dream. am i gonna wake up and be like damn will it be like this for real...im so grateful for everything that the lord has blessed me with..i dnt think many understand...i could have had this way different life instead of the one i was blessed with...prayer works things out for those who pray!!

new look on it. bitches can get it cause i aint fazin they a**

ok so im goin to lay out how i feel. im taking it down. so i told myself i was going to end one chapter before i walk into another. well i sum what didnt. but im ok because that person thinks to highly of their self which makes me want to throw this in their face which i dnt do. im seeing a apart of myself slowly change into some one who cares about her self a more then others who could care less about me. yes ive met someone new. im ok with this. he takes the time for me and not that some havent because one made time but too much in my opinion. i didnt see anything in the future for us. when i dnt see a future i tend to move on with out lettin one know which can be hurtful. but i had way to much going on i couldnt deal with it. i have now dealt with all the summer drama with family that i now know what i have to d with my time and who i should use it on. which sounds bad when speaking of family. but some times they will take your kindness for dumbness which i will no longer allow. this year is going to be for me and be on what i want in my life and no longer listen to the negative aspects they want to tell me every second of the day. my god i have done it way to long and get extremely stressed over it and not havin it. but i kno this will upset some ppl and might just lose from friends over this but, i have thought long and hard and feel that if we are longer friends this is want for the right reasons in the beginning. so im still wraped up but slowly evolving(sp?)

faith

wow

so alot of my friedns kno i lost my father to cancer some years ago...well my grandfather(dad's dad) had cancer well now he has been gettin really sick and my aunt and uncle arent even trying to visit him like they should which pisses me off. he is your father and if its anyone that knows why you should cherish every moment allowed to spend with him you should...all ill family members. hurts me to see him go through this as i watched my father when i was very young. brings back alot of old pain i thought had healed but hasnt...you only come when you know you are getting something in return from a sick man and his sick wife...what is wrong with you...it just angers me that there are grown men an women out in this world like that.
well nk longer am i going to Guyana...no money. but God will always make another chance to come around...one day...
time to leave memphis or should i say my tiny little hole in cordova....Yay for me...i love my mother very much but living under the same roof is no longer an option..
so this school year is a bit diffenert. i have 3 baby cousins comeing to TSU!!! which im so excited about. family always makes my day better and friedns that are like fanily...
I finally got my LC,,so i can drive legally now!!! YAY...
so many goals for fall 2009 and Excited about this school year..IDK WHY....
we will see what happens

get this

so i still dnt have a job which means i dnt have any money..which is really bothering me. anywho. so i was wit my brother yesterday and we are on the interstate and this guy in a tinted out truck is rollin one...how memphis is that...omg like i seriously cnt believe i saw thatbut then i can cause im in memphis. anywho i was doin great in this house until yedterday afternoon. ms. foxx wants to bring up the old things and yell at me about that which i honestly dnt feel like hearing. so i need to either find somewhere to stay until my trip or go bk to nashville earlier which means i have to live by my uncles house rules which i dnt have a problem with. i dnt party like that anyway...this memphis heat is really making this so much worse then they could be...i hvnt even gotten to go dwntwn to my spot which is south main and the the art district...i miss those days with my best friends to badd none of them live here anymore. i need to get on that wagon they got on a long time ago.