new car and new house!!!!!!!!

so God put this person in my mother's life and mine and now i have been givin the biggest blessin of all times. im gettin a new car and a house YES a HOUSE im so thrilled. my own place. Ive wanted one ever since i had my aprtment at crichton. this is bomb for real....cant wait!!! sooo GEEKED

ever.....

ever had sumthin infront of your face and nt goin for it. well he was infront of my face and now i want him back in that spot only thing is the distance and im not comfortable with that. its eating away at me everytime i try ti talk nothin comes out right. i think im scared and thats crazy cuz most times ill go for it and nt think twice. im scared of lonely but im scared that it wont be him in the end. he knows so much. i want us to work but us workin cnt us being at the same damn school. we both need our own lives and him hear n me n nash jus seems to damn scarey. i need him to holed me when i feel dwn. he cnt do that 3hrs away. this sucks big time. i really think he has opened my eyes. but i need to let him kno that. bt how???

time to reflect on 2008 and bring in 2009

reflect in 2008
i went thur two of the biggest loss of my life.
my auntie Josephine and My Bestie of all time Mr. Santez Dibirel
i miss them dearly and wish they could have made it this far as did i.
i met one of the coolest chic's at chase to the wolf macys ever!!
My Chi bestie SunSh!ne! she be the bomb!!
ive made a change in schools dnt kno if that was a great choice just yet.
uuummm i kno what color runs in my veins watch out fall 2k9!!!
ive grown in my FAITH yep!!! God is Amazing in so many ways!!
he has truly shown me the true meaning of friendship and love
i know who my tru friends are and who are just in my life for a season better yet a semester.
Ive learn that i need to listen before i speak sumthin ive never been good at but continue to be judge on...ne who
learn that life is no longer a effin joke and that my dreams are right infront of my effin face WOW!!
Oh OH OH OH
i CUT my effin hair and love it. Its the tru me ive been missin
Sumthin my dear auntie jo taught me was to be tru to me and to who God made me to be.
I learn what will get me off track and who will get me off track yea.
i learn that fo sho
i learn that love will come to me when the time is right and i will never figuare out the time when ever that day will come
ive grown passion for this life ive been given even more
ive learn to concur the day and not to worry about the little things


bringing in 2009

life is going to be grerat as long as Ive got Jesus. J-E-S-U-S!! Yes!!
i will focus on the future in my life and not the past.
i will not let the past try to walk back into my life like nothing even happen
I will wait for Gods work to be done and not try to take over.
call my grandfather more(dads dad) he truly loves me no matter what
will stop and smell this green earth God has blessed us with.
get on my grind even better.
get that all black altima i saw for less then 15000!! NOW!!!
got to bed before the sunrises
find a better job then the informationdesk
work out more alot more
LEARN EVERTHING I CAN ABOUT MY GUITAR!!! (name comning)
Give all i got to God and my family and To MYSELF EVEN MORE!!

No Space for you in my front row...

so i read this note of a friends a few min ago. it started makin sense. there isnt anymore room on my front row.yea so and ex asked me the unthinkable, i said one thing but he knew what i truly said in my heart. the reason being is that i cnt find room in my heart for him. its crazy how you thought you love someone so freakin much but it ends badly then and there truly there is no goin back to fix it or try to fix it.one because most of the family knows what happens and secondly i jsut could never do that to my self. thats just not me. i let go so why cnt he let go and not get in a pissy mood about it. there just isnt enough room in my front row for him anylonger. no one took the seat it just doesnt existist anymore. i cnt bring it back either its just gone for good. like how do you understand something like that yourself...very odd

Turn off MUSIC FREAK

so girls n guys you know wen you have a turn OFF it completely turns you OFF of that person. so i have to rules no pics of any kind can be sent to my phone and the otha way around. another is liein, and bein scared and not being honest bout being scared.
but
Please dnt tell that i shouldnt be scared of a pic nigga trust me that shit didnt scare me it just piss me off.....lol....serious though i think i found the reason why things arent goin to work out. nigga you jus so turned me OFF. i dnt even wanna pick up the phone or answer a text message...yea NO WARNING!!..dnt ever in your life let me kno that you will change my mind... NIGGA NO....NIGGA NO...NIGGA NO...
Liein to me about what ppl said that shit aint cool dnt tell me one thing n a another really went dwn...oh nigga its on like donkey kong!!! NO REALLY NIGGA....I made one nigga cry dnt MAKE me add you to my list.
Tell the damn truth n if you scared nigga this shit def aint gon work
why be scared of showing your feelins aint bein a pu**y I promise fu*k them otha nigga if they think so...they opinion really dnt matter for us gettin together...fell me

Bitch!?!?!?

So this is how i feel....

im gonna be me no matter what.
if that nigga turn me dwn because of the way i look then fuck him he not meant to be in my life.
if they dnt hire me because i have an afro then fuck them i didnt want that job anyways
dnt tell me that you liked my hair n you were just lieing fuck that if you like it then you might as well get us to it now.
bitch never was i that preppy bullshit you said i once was. that aint my shit never will be my shit.
for your info im that G.R.I.T.S. with a 50 tshirts from the years n the love for jeans n sum sandals
bitch your never knew me ever. you only thought you did. kiss my big TOE!
its funny how ally 6 of you talk about sumbdy wen you think you kno but have no damn clue at all.
bitch my krae never did go to that interview with a relaxer in her hair...hahhahahah..
she got that as. bitch her bf jus wanted to see it then she washed that shit out the nite b4 her interview really GOT that ass
oh bitch dnt ever in your life call me bummy. bitch i got my days everybdy do
esp. YOU!!! Got that ass again.
bitch do me a favor n watch me do me n get where i wanna get the job with my skills bitch if they dnt want me because of my hair n not for my skills its not where i wanna be so NO you cant give me money for school to change my hair. btich thats just your trap of gettin my ass when i dun got you ass to many otha times.
oh n get this right i move with my own mind and the only person leading me is my GOD(yea bad to put in here but hey the lord dun heard my pain)
MY GOD yea is right next to me takin the same footsteps with me. even if they are wrong he shows me the right way to go.
So B I T C H
Get a life and learn that this is my and if you aint paying the bills then your words should be NO COMMENT!!!
Thanks have a Great Day B I T C H


Faiths Love

idk wat 2 say.........

so i love my family dearly and things havent been the best for us latly n it crushes my heart to see my family hurt..so i lost my papa @ a young age...first time i had to deal with death n my faith...yes supa crazy...so 2008 brought crazy things in my life...so my family jus had two family members cum bac into our lives bythemselves.AMAZING how GOD works...ne who....that was the best part then cam march mothers bday on easter how great!!! then the nex day sleepin my lil ass away...nite school was a bitch...and my phone keeps goin off wat in the hell does my mother want at 6 in the dmn mornin..she knoz i like my sleep. sad story short my great aunt of 7 children is the 1st to die..not cool at all GOD like it it so hard like i didnt kno wat to say all i did for days ways cry..natural reaction right...HELLZ NO...not for me...i got find things to do....ie the day my father died went to a friends house to feel normal like i was gonna go back to a normal life...but this wasnt me...so then i get outta the nutt shell n turn to my faith which helped a whole LOT...then school is over come home n its cool bout to start work again...MAKIN money is the greatest thing...well God thru another curve ball at me...best friend adopted brother guy who knows me the freakin best......dies.............how from drowin..WTF????...an artist who hand a big amazing life ahead of him....why him???..go back into my shell n cry like a newbron baby wit a rash on my ass...yea that serious...a guy who i knew knew God n never crossed anyone wrong everyone that came near him loved him just for the person he was...kind.caring.loving.respectful.smart.funny.understanding.loving.creative.thinker.lover.bestfriend...the guy who knew me more then i knew my self is gone n i cnt say sorry for nt callin like i should or for the time i was suppose to come visit wit momz... now ive been givin this test to see if i can handle it again...my cuz who is EA thats got meanin but its her name on here....EA fought thru so many battles in her life its unreal how she made it this far.she has MS...cnt s/p it look it up...it hit hard wen she was married to a jerk face the call a man.he took her kids away n lied n told them momma didnt want them..LIES...so no she is at them point her sis who is EA2 cnt even take care of her....sucks ass n im so damn scared cuz her daugther is look at me for guideness about it all..all i can say is pray cuz i dnt kno what imma do if she leaves us soon..n if you kno me well i dnt like goin to hospitals wen sum one is on the edge....it hurts really bad that i cnt do shyt bout it...so i still idk wat 2 say to them if it happen but im prayin it doesnt happen soon...i want her to be here so bad nex yr..she gotta be there to c legacy in the fam continue...she gotta...

faithslove