back at it.confused.yet hurt all in one

so im abck it i once again in my life. so the bestfriend that still lives got married and now is in the navy. a lifetime committment.yea so not cool with me but he is grown i cant make decisions for him. im sitting here looking at pictures over and over again..i cnt seem to get him back this time.there is not gonna be a call in a few weeks days or even months there is no coming back to this point where we once were at with each other. everyone new we were bestfriends..everyone new that it was ez n nik..no one every tried to break that up until she came along and i didnt make it clear enough to you or her that me n you been in it to win it for a long time and that she could be apart of it for your personal sake...im so not a blocker never have been never will be...but i got a red flag when she got an emailed me bout moms..his moms that is...you are kicked off the list when you say nasty words about the parents no matter what has happen even if they are wrong you never do that..its just wrong to call them out of their names..i hope and pray this move was your decision and not her's cause i can see your already living in hell...yea you been there since the record store night. i could tell in your eyes. this wasnt somthing you wanted to stick with but you did for the sake of love you thought you were in. i only can as about you now thur grandmother..she says your ok but who really even knows if you are..i love you so much you would understand it.so what im gonna do is continue to pray about it and not worry cause the only one who holds the key to our hearts is really God.. he is the only one that make it better or should i say make a rainy day into a SUNNY one with birds singing.

thinking......

so i been thinking all day how things arent goin my way...why is that...we only have 5 weeks of school. then i sadly have to go back to memphis for the summer...maybe this will be my time to stack money and get my car and return back to school on top of my shit....i just hate that im goin back to memphis...i hate it..i really wanna stay here in nashville but im wanting my own place...so it all depends on what happens in these next few weeks.....
so i might be goin to cali for a summer trip but i really wanna go to DC for the 4th of july...i could see my cousin and chill shop eat some good food and be at peace..

personal feelings

so yea today was a good day. i slept till i wanted which was late in my day. i watched a few movies on the TV and rested. then went to the alpha fish fry..nice nice...then chilled with my my and mica. went to my fav O'Charley's reminded me of this date i went on but thats no longer important right now. but any who ... Mr. Shockin upset me yesterday. i wasnt p-d-a-ing which he thought was me not wanting to be around him in publice or somthing really crazy.. well world if you didnt know now you do...i HATE PDA as for myself...im a very private person when it comes down to it. i like to keep my pda behind doors...its nobdy's business what i like to do with my MAN damn....no im not ashamed of you i just keep my personal life personal..thats why its my personal life not public....but there is no reason for him to be upset...but any who..i had afew thoughts of Mr. (EX)Husband durin the week...they were kind of good thoughts although i dislike this sitcome he wants to act out...but its now sunday and i need to get up for church so this is good nite.and...

im still all wraped up in it....

short end

ao i cant figuare y i get the sort end of the stick..mom says that i need to move on but hey he has been there when i really needed him..we care for each other but the factor of the distance and that i have mr. shockin and he got ms.25..yea idk where this will end up..i need to make a trip to my soon to be home chicago...ive figuared it out...the school i wanna do my grad programs at yea programs..anywho...im so ready for that point in my life where its just me..just me..i got it but that the way i want it..so imma jus take wat i got now and deal with it..focus on the remaining 9 to 7 weeks of school left..find a job a car.and a place to lay my head and money for summer school..back on the short end..its been a week since ive seen mr. husband..wow i hate when ppl promise things and dont fullfill..thats one of my rules everyone should know dnt promise me that it will happen and its a week or year later and still hasnt happened..so imma jus suck it up got to church tuesday then celebrate mr.shocking's 21st day of birth...yea that will be extremely fun...Yay for mr. shocking and his o so sweet text messages in the morning...i learn something new everyday about myself and the ppl around me. chi bestie was here and still is..we had a great time last nite a senses yea senses...it was the same ole shit..same ppl i no longer kick it with but some ppl i missed extremely like my bro i missed de, kev, n dan..anywho im now rambling on cause i dnt wanna pack for this trip back to big blue country...until again


still wrapped in the enigma

WOW on 3.11.09...thisis your Warning!!

so today was semi great..spent some time with mom..just went to see sick cousin who is gettin better. YAY for prayer...then got some of my fav. Gus's Fried Chicken...Point for mom!!! YAY...so then we go pick up my brother from his gal house and why is there this malibu in front of us with get this "Mr. Triflin" on the back window..Wow that made my f'in day.....like yall have now clue...Mr. Triflin made me happier about my day...i just cant seem to understand why he would want that on his car...do women really approach him n shit..if so they betta watch out..they have been forwarned.....i Repeat You have been """"FORWARNED"""""....pic comin soon...

so this is was my moms car until my bro got in a wreck......God works out everything....its been a month and he is still in shock...........

im all wrapped up................

if we pray and worry what's the point of praying........