new look on it. bitches can get it cause i aint fazin they a**

ok so im goin to lay out how i feel. im taking it down. so i told myself i was going to end one chapter before i walk into another. well i sum what didnt. but im ok because that person thinks to highly of their self which makes me want to throw this in their face which i dnt do. im seeing a apart of myself slowly change into some one who cares about her self a more then others who could care less about me. yes ive met someone new. im ok with this. he takes the time for me and not that some havent because one made time but too much in my opinion. i didnt see anything in the future for us. when i dnt see a future i tend to move on with out lettin one know which can be hurtful. but i had way to much going on i couldnt deal with it. i have now dealt with all the summer drama with family that i now know what i have to d with my time and who i should use it on. which sounds bad when speaking of family. but some times they will take your kindness for dumbness which i will no longer allow. this year is going to be for me and be on what i want in my life and no longer listen to the negative aspects they want to tell me every second of the day. my god i have done it way to long and get extremely stressed over it and not havin it. but i kno this will upset some ppl and might just lose from friends over this but, i have thought long and hard and feel that if we are longer friends this is want for the right reasons in the beginning. so im still wraped up but slowly evolving(sp?)

faith

wow

so alot of my friedns kno i lost my father to cancer some years ago...well my grandfather(dad's dad) had cancer well now he has been gettin really sick and my aunt and uncle arent even trying to visit him like they should which pisses me off. he is your father and if its anyone that knows why you should cherish every moment allowed to spend with him you should...all ill family members. hurts me to see him go through this as i watched my father when i was very young. brings back alot of old pain i thought had healed but hasnt...you only come when you know you are getting something in return from a sick man and his sick wife...what is wrong with you...it just angers me that there are grown men an women out in this world like that.
well nk longer am i going to Guyana...no money. but God will always make another chance to come around...one day...
time to leave memphis or should i say my tiny little hole in cordova....Yay for me...i love my mother very much but living under the same roof is no longer an option..
so this school year is a bit diffenert. i have 3 baby cousins comeing to TSU!!! which im so excited about. family always makes my day better and friedns that are like fanily...
I finally got my LC,,so i can drive legally now!!! YAY...
so many goals for fall 2009 and Excited about this school year..IDK WHY....
we will see what happens

get this

so i still dnt have a job which means i dnt have any money..which is really bothering me. anywho. so i was wit my brother yesterday and we are on the interstate and this guy in a tinted out truck is rollin one...how memphis is that...omg like i seriously cnt believe i saw thatbut then i can cause im in memphis. anywho i was doin great in this house until yedterday afternoon. ms. foxx wants to bring up the old things and yell at me about that which i honestly dnt feel like hearing. so i need to either find somewhere to stay until my trip or go bk to nashville earlier which means i have to live by my uncles house rules which i dnt have a problem with. i dnt party like that anyway...this memphis heat is really making this so much worse then they could be...i hvnt even gotten to go dwntwn to my spot which is south main and the the art district...i miss those days with my best friends to badd none of them live here anymore. i need to get on that wagon they got on a long time ago.

Georgetown, GUYANA here I come....

so if you have known me for a while you would know one of my dreams was to do Mission work where need such as africa....south america...etc. well i got the call of my dreams two days ago...Ive been picked out og my youth group to brong joy of my lord savior into anothers life..im so UBER excited...lol...this made my week into a much better one. i found out some really crazy things and didnt know what i was going to do but i prayed that God would answer my prayers and i believe this is going to teach me a whole lot that ive soo been seeking.its just so amazing that ive been picked to do this. So all i have to do is raise the money to go and I will rasie the money my family has already pitched in and the step father just might be getting the camera of my dreams...towo dreams in one this my father showering blessings on me..oh mom is getting her new car very soon.so excited for her and she said if the lord provides enough then my vue is coming to mama soon...YYYYAAAAAYYY..

yet still all wrapped up in the enigma....

honesty box

so honesty box really cracks me up i was sent this message below today......

STOP WALKING AROUND IN SEARCH OF MY (and other ppl's) APPROVAL. PLEASE JUST BE YOU


i reply bk:
So Mystery Man....where did you get this idea that i wanted YOUR APPROVAL or anyone elses...Cause HONESTly Im not....plain and simple...im happy with who i am....so who are you???


so please correct me if i state wrong....i nor my best friend ever recall of me being unhappy with myself. like really are you that head strong to think i need your approval on anything i do in my life youve got to be on some crazy drugs...then only aprroval i need is God...yes MY God is the only one i love to for any answers..its really funny how you think i need YOUR approval for anything i do in my life....

im ready to go off....

im real sick of the screaming you like to do...and the lies you love to tell...so you want me to leave the house so u can handle yo shit and i got sit at another house which i could be prefectly fine right here...hell naw..im really bout to go off n aint nobdy gone like me...im sick of being the one who gets the short end of the stick and noone ask how i feel and if i wanna go...ive only been gone a year and you expect me to keep coming bk afta this...that will be "HELL NAW".....ive gottin that dam short stick for the past 8 years...its not gonna happen anymore...i refuse...

faith

faith is all i have.
no more hope.
no more love.

faith is all i have.
i have faith that things will work out.
i have faith that God will take care of it all.
i have faith that im learning from my mistakes and it takes time.
i have faith that i am heeling from all the hurt and pain he caused.
i have faith that i will get that house a the young age of 25.
i have faith that it will be paid for before i leave for grad school.
i have faith that im going to higher places in my life.
i have faith that he will one day love me like i heart him bexause love is so much deeper.
i have faith that i will not hurt anyone for saying that i faith for that love.
i have faith that someone will show me hope once again.
i have faith that love will find me once and be true love that the imitation love will never slip through.

i just pray i dont loose my faith..................



still wrapped up.....