Brought Back to Reality

So things with my personal life haven't been the way I wanted them to go. I let my heart get the best of me and believe everything he was telling me. What he doesn't know just yet it that Imo not going for this anymore. I've taken this time to myself and really thought about what I want and how im going to get it. Im going to move to Chicago. Im going to grad school at Columbia of Chicago. The only thing is I want to leave now. I don't want to wait anymore. I feel like if God told me through any type of communication that it was time to move now. I would take all steps to do so. I took the time to once again believe the bullshyt that came from a nigga mouth. did i not learn from my past. Why can't guys just be honest about how they feel. And if you talking it up with your ex, thats def agaisnt all rules. Don't go around tell yo guys that im your girl, and in reality im just the closest thing near you and in the same city. yep I said.

so from that being said im def speaking my mind next time...i make the time to see you...u not the other way...

i pray this is not it...

i once told myself that i would never fall back into my past trials or should i say ppl... i cnt seem to understand why you still hold on to those pictures wen there will never be a new one like that ever. i honestly thought you got over what we had cause i got over it a long time ago. no i dnt see you like the way i once did. its cray when i tell you im in love with someone else you keep saying that i will have that same love for you one day, NO I WON'T! Hear my loud and clear. oh yea Im In Love with another man!! he gives me comfort in knowing that God is real and that no i cnt always have it my way. i love him for that. i love he can tell me yes to one thing and then be honest and say no about something else. i love the way he treats me around his friends. its like im the only one in the room. when i need him he is always there. when he tells me things God has done for him, and what he wants to do to Glorify God. What more can i ask for. i know that right now i have a Godly man in my life. he is gonna give it to me in the truthful way, which is pure honesty. he isnt going to lie about anything. i ask i betta be prepared to hear the truth. some go in life thinking that the right now is some how the best they can have it. no it can only get brighter everyday of your lives. i want the sun to shine on me and mine brighter and brighter everyday, EVERYDAY. not jus on my rainy days on my on my sunny days as well. i want him to continue seek God to get closer to me. nor have i ever asked him to seek him for me, and never will i. i know that he seeks God more because i see more of God in him and him wanting to know and have a better relationship with God and his family. i believe that this year, 2010. is going to bring many challenges but blessings and understanding that it wont always go my way. It goes the way of the Lord and only his way. Only Positive Speaking, in my life.

Faith
still wrapped but slowly my God unrolls the enigma

go wit that feelin

you ever

you ever had that day where everything went the way you wanted it to. the bestfriend who was always there for you when ever you needed them. ever begin to like someone and fall to hard to fast. ever thought you new someone and didnt know a damn thing about the. remember how you were in love with that high school sweet heart. they did every thing right. played a great game got an all A on their report cards. it just seems when i get what i like and want..something is wrong with it. if you know me then you know that i dnt like to argue over anything thing big or little. i like to work things out with out going so hard on each other. i care for you and like you alot but i wouldnt dare stress myself over you and the things you may do witout me around. i dnt have time to stress like that. i have a future to create and if it doesnt envlove you then O Freakin well...imma make it on my own. i dnt have to depend on you but you know after all said and done....you get that lonly feeling ike damn when am i gonna get that great guy i really like and that he is the one God placed on your life. ever cry your eyes out to God. and not ask Why just ask what to do...yea..i know how you feel. im the girl who doesnt like her busness out on front st. im not the one you put ur nose in my shit and go tell everyone cause i will find out and it aint gon be pretty. i feel if your grown that you dnt have to remind ppl over and over...they know by the way you walk talk act and by your charecter. it aint bout who business you kow or the latest of what is wrong with other ppl's lives. this is alot i know but its just how i am feeling at this point and time.

life

so im happy but unhappy with certain ppl. wen that happens i tend to say fuck them and move on..i just hate it wen i cnt get ova the shit they do and say and the way they act. i have come to this today that i want my own now. i have it to a certain point but i want my own. i wantmy own so nobody can tell me that i cant use this or that..or naw u cnt drive my car..cause its my own...nobdy can tell me shit wen its my own..on a great note though my business is bout to be on an pooping. so that is grand as hell to me...i really jus feel like some bits of my life will never be the same after u let ppl(ex's) ruining your outlook on men and their goals... ive looked pass that and gotten hurt once again but cnt let that stop me..i want my King whom God made for me and this world of ours. only time will tell and thats Gods plan...but i have to be thankful for everything that God has done in my life. I have a job great bestfriends and family who truly cares for me. i just wonder didi make a mistake in bein with this person..ppl say wen you ask ur self that you answered that question. but i dnt believe that one bit i believe that some times before marriage u have to reassure yourself that God has a plan and you should follow it and not give up...every one has questions...no question is a stupid one...i just know that im a Chasing my dreams every time i open my eyes...cause God has allowed me too.

faith still wrapped up..........................

Damn...will it be ok

so i have this feelin that im fallin hard and that i something i try to move myself way from. point being i dnt trust niggas point blank.when one gets hurt its hard to recover from that..even years from that hurt..you have to build that trust back in yourself and trusting your heart with yourself is important 1st then the maybe trusting it with someone else. i just hope that he feels the same way...im 20..im not lookin for marriage...that aint on my list of important things this week..but for the semester is to try my best to let God lead me in the right path...even though things have happen which i cant understand why me...now is the factor is will i be in a different place in jan. if so how will i handle these things. i know i have God to depend on but thats the only dependable person i know will be one hundred behind me....yea some wont like it but its my life and i have to do what i feel like i can handle because God just so happen put it on me..i gotta show him that i can make it and im a believer and a true one at that.
is this real...is my only question.i have received so much in these past few months is this real or is it a dream. am i gonna wake up and be like damn will it be like this for real...im so grateful for everything that the lord has blessed me with..i dnt think many understand...i could have had this way different life instead of the one i was blessed with...prayer works things out for those who pray!!

new look on it. bitches can get it cause i aint fazin they a**

ok so im goin to lay out how i feel. im taking it down. so i told myself i was going to end one chapter before i walk into another. well i sum what didnt. but im ok because that person thinks to highly of their self which makes me want to throw this in their face which i dnt do. im seeing a apart of myself slowly change into some one who cares about her self a more then others who could care less about me. yes ive met someone new. im ok with this. he takes the time for me and not that some havent because one made time but too much in my opinion. i didnt see anything in the future for us. when i dnt see a future i tend to move on with out lettin one know which can be hurtful. but i had way to much going on i couldnt deal with it. i have now dealt with all the summer drama with family that i now know what i have to d with my time and who i should use it on. which sounds bad when speaking of family. but some times they will take your kindness for dumbness which i will no longer allow. this year is going to be for me and be on what i want in my life and no longer listen to the negative aspects they want to tell me every second of the day. my god i have done it way to long and get extremely stressed over it and not havin it. but i kno this will upset some ppl and might just lose from friends over this but, i have thought long and hard and feel that if we are longer friends this is want for the right reasons in the beginning. so im still wraped up but slowly evolving(sp?)

faith