why does this always happen to me......n......krama

so last year i went through the toughest time i ever could for a freshman in college. so now in my second year i felt different at the beginning. new school ...new people...new guy in my life. now things between us were pretty simple. no relationship to base anything on just pure friendship at the moment. i had nothing to worry about he once told me..so i reasurred myself that everything was going to be different. then i get this message that he is engaged..WOW..ENGAGED. now i went through something like this last year. but it was way deeper last year. as in they were enggaged and to be married in a few weeks. now its two weeks after my birthday.which we sumwhat spent together n now its akward even being around him. thankfully its the end of the semester but i took the effort to try to spend time before i leave to go home n he blows me off. WOW...i feel like that convo we had doesnt even matter anymore.the communication skills between us suck but i tried my damn hardest to get to were we could understand where this would end up but now im so in shock and confused if this is real or fake. how can you possiblly be engaged and we have been talking/friends for almost a year now. i just cant seem to understand this.
i feel as if this is krama bitting me in the ass for the character chagen ive had these past few months. see this situation went dwon n now i am in the middle of all the blame. so what if nobdy bleieves me now. i cant change anyones opinion about me now. that is far to late for some poeple.which i understand to the fullest.i will say it one more time that im truly sorry for the words that came out of my mouth and pray that God can forgive me as well. all i can truly do is go back to how i use to be. that girl who every knows to have a great personality but its gonna be sum hard damage control which i will put in Gods hands because it always doesnt belong in ours. but i cant seem to find out where me went. where did i go wrong in my lifetime...which isnt that ling of one. ppl say they have backed away but what i cant figuare out is why didnt you come to me jus as you told me about this other thing. why......neva will i know why but i know that i am truly sorry if i hurt anyone which i know i did but they will never truly understand how sorry i am. i wish i wasnt turning into someone i dnt even like myself that sucks as a human.so i told one of my closest friends about this change in me and that cant believe that i had done somthing to this level. all they told me was to go own with my life and God will fix things as he always will. whicih i pray for each night is for this change to come upon me....i just wish it would hurry.. but i know i can't rush Gods work.