go wit that feelin

you ever

you ever had that day where everything went the way you wanted it to. the bestfriend who was always there for you when ever you needed them. ever begin to like someone and fall to hard to fast. ever thought you new someone and didnt know a damn thing about the. remember how you were in love with that high school sweet heart. they did every thing right. played a great game got an all A on their report cards. it just seems when i get what i like and want..something is wrong with it. if you know me then you know that i dnt like to argue over anything thing big or little. i like to work things out with out going so hard on each other. i care for you and like you alot but i wouldnt dare stress myself over you and the things you may do witout me around. i dnt have time to stress like that. i have a future to create and if it doesnt envlove you then O Freakin well...imma make it on my own. i dnt have to depend on you but you know after all said and done....you get that lonly feeling ike damn when am i gonna get that great guy i really like and that he is the one God placed on your life. ever cry your eyes out to God. and not ask Why just ask what to do...yea..i know how you feel. im the girl who doesnt like her busness out on front st. im not the one you put ur nose in my shit and go tell everyone cause i will find out and it aint gon be pretty. i feel if your grown that you dnt have to remind ppl over and over...they know by the way you walk talk act and by your charecter. it aint bout who business you kow or the latest of what is wrong with other ppl's lives. this is alot i know but its just how i am feeling at this point and time.

life

so im happy but unhappy with certain ppl. wen that happens i tend to say fuck them and move on..i just hate it wen i cnt get ova the shit they do and say and the way they act. i have come to this today that i want my own now. i have it to a certain point but i want my own. i wantmy own so nobody can tell me that i cant use this or that..or naw u cnt drive my car..cause its my own...nobdy can tell me shit wen its my own..on a great note though my business is bout to be on an pooping. so that is grand as hell to me...i really jus feel like some bits of my life will never be the same after u let ppl(ex's) ruining your outlook on men and their goals... ive looked pass that and gotten hurt once again but cnt let that stop me..i want my King whom God made for me and this world of ours. only time will tell and thats Gods plan...but i have to be thankful for everything that God has done in my life. I have a job great bestfriends and family who truly cares for me. i just wonder didi make a mistake in bein with this person..ppl say wen you ask ur self that you answered that question. but i dnt believe that one bit i believe that some times before marriage u have to reassure yourself that God has a plan and you should follow it and not give up...every one has questions...no question is a stupid one...i just know that im a Chasing my dreams every time i open my eyes...cause God has allowed me too.

faith still wrapped up..........................

Damn...will it be ok

so i have this feelin that im fallin hard and that i something i try to move myself way from. point being i dnt trust niggas point blank.when one gets hurt its hard to recover from that..even years from that hurt..you have to build that trust back in yourself and trusting your heart with yourself is important 1st then the maybe trusting it with someone else. i just hope that he feels the same way...im 20..im not lookin for marriage...that aint on my list of important things this week..but for the semester is to try my best to let God lead me in the right path...even though things have happen which i cant understand why me...now is the factor is will i be in a different place in jan. if so how will i handle these things. i know i have God to depend on but thats the only dependable person i know will be one hundred behind me....yea some wont like it but its my life and i have to do what i feel like i can handle because God just so happen put it on me..i gotta show him that i can make it and im a believer and a true one at that.
is this real...is my only question.i have received so much in these past few months is this real or is it a dream. am i gonna wake up and be like damn will it be like this for real...im so grateful for everything that the lord has blessed me with..i dnt think many understand...i could have had this way different life instead of the one i was blessed with...prayer works things out for those who pray!!

new look on it. bitches can get it cause i aint fazin they a**

ok so im goin to lay out how i feel. im taking it down. so i told myself i was going to end one chapter before i walk into another. well i sum what didnt. but im ok because that person thinks to highly of their self which makes me want to throw this in their face which i dnt do. im seeing a apart of myself slowly change into some one who cares about her self a more then others who could care less about me. yes ive met someone new. im ok with this. he takes the time for me and not that some havent because one made time but too much in my opinion. i didnt see anything in the future for us. when i dnt see a future i tend to move on with out lettin one know which can be hurtful. but i had way to much going on i couldnt deal with it. i have now dealt with all the summer drama with family that i now know what i have to d with my time and who i should use it on. which sounds bad when speaking of family. but some times they will take your kindness for dumbness which i will no longer allow. this year is going to be for me and be on what i want in my life and no longer listen to the negative aspects they want to tell me every second of the day. my god i have done it way to long and get extremely stressed over it and not havin it. but i kno this will upset some ppl and might just lose from friends over this but, i have thought long and hard and feel that if we are longer friends this is want for the right reasons in the beginning. so im still wraped up but slowly evolving(sp?)

faith

wow

so alot of my friedns kno i lost my father to cancer some years ago...well my grandfather(dad's dad) had cancer well now he has been gettin really sick and my aunt and uncle arent even trying to visit him like they should which pisses me off. he is your father and if its anyone that knows why you should cherish every moment allowed to spend with him you should...all ill family members. hurts me to see him go through this as i watched my father when i was very young. brings back alot of old pain i thought had healed but hasnt...you only come when you know you are getting something in return from a sick man and his sick wife...what is wrong with you...it just angers me that there are grown men an women out in this world like that.
well nk longer am i going to Guyana...no money. but God will always make another chance to come around...one day...
time to leave memphis or should i say my tiny little hole in cordova....Yay for me...i love my mother very much but living under the same roof is no longer an option..
so this school year is a bit diffenert. i have 3 baby cousins comeing to TSU!!! which im so excited about. family always makes my day better and friedns that are like fanily...
I finally got my LC,,so i can drive legally now!!! YAY...
so many goals for fall 2009 and Excited about this school year..IDK WHY....
we will see what happens

get this

so i still dnt have a job which means i dnt have any money..which is really bothering me. anywho. so i was wit my brother yesterday and we are on the interstate and this guy in a tinted out truck is rollin one...how memphis is that...omg like i seriously cnt believe i saw thatbut then i can cause im in memphis. anywho i was doin great in this house until yedterday afternoon. ms. foxx wants to bring up the old things and yell at me about that which i honestly dnt feel like hearing. so i need to either find somewhere to stay until my trip or go bk to nashville earlier which means i have to live by my uncles house rules which i dnt have a problem with. i dnt party like that anyway...this memphis heat is really making this so much worse then they could be...i hvnt even gotten to go dwntwn to my spot which is south main and the the art district...i miss those days with my best friends to badd none of them live here anymore. i need to get on that wagon they got on a long time ago.

Georgetown, GUYANA here I come....

so if you have known me for a while you would know one of my dreams was to do Mission work where need such as africa....south america...etc. well i got the call of my dreams two days ago...Ive been picked out og my youth group to brong joy of my lord savior into anothers life..im so UBER excited...lol...this made my week into a much better one. i found out some really crazy things and didnt know what i was going to do but i prayed that God would answer my prayers and i believe this is going to teach me a whole lot that ive soo been seeking.its just so amazing that ive been picked to do this. So all i have to do is raise the money to go and I will rasie the money my family has already pitched in and the step father just might be getting the camera of my dreams...towo dreams in one this my father showering blessings on me..oh mom is getting her new car very soon.so excited for her and she said if the lord provides enough then my vue is coming to mama soon...YYYYAAAAAYYY..

yet still all wrapped up in the enigma....

honesty box

so honesty box really cracks me up i was sent this message below today......

STOP WALKING AROUND IN SEARCH OF MY (and other ppl's) APPROVAL. PLEASE JUST BE YOU


i reply bk:
So Mystery Man....where did you get this idea that i wanted YOUR APPROVAL or anyone elses...Cause HONESTly Im not....plain and simple...im happy with who i am....so who are you???


so please correct me if i state wrong....i nor my best friend ever recall of me being unhappy with myself. like really are you that head strong to think i need your approval on anything i do in my life youve got to be on some crazy drugs...then only aprroval i need is God...yes MY God is the only one i love to for any answers..its really funny how you think i need YOUR approval for anything i do in my life....

im ready to go off....

im real sick of the screaming you like to do...and the lies you love to tell...so you want me to leave the house so u can handle yo shit and i got sit at another house which i could be prefectly fine right here...hell naw..im really bout to go off n aint nobdy gone like me...im sick of being the one who gets the short end of the stick and noone ask how i feel and if i wanna go...ive only been gone a year and you expect me to keep coming bk afta this...that will be "HELL NAW".....ive gottin that dam short stick for the past 8 years...its not gonna happen anymore...i refuse...

faith

faith is all i have.
no more hope.
no more love.

faith is all i have.
i have faith that things will work out.
i have faith that God will take care of it all.
i have faith that im learning from my mistakes and it takes time.
i have faith that i am heeling from all the hurt and pain he caused.
i have faith that i will get that house a the young age of 25.
i have faith that it will be paid for before i leave for grad school.
i have faith that im going to higher places in my life.
i have faith that he will one day love me like i heart him bexause love is so much deeper.
i have faith that i will not hurt anyone for saying that i faith for that love.
i have faith that someone will show me hope once again.
i have faith that love will find me once and be true love that the imitation love will never slip through.

i just pray i dont loose my faith..................



still wrapped up.....

all in one

so monday i went to Santez grave site..........wasnt easy at all. i truly believe that im not gonna be able to get over this for a while...just going places without him and church without him sitting right nex to me jus is weird..jus imagine your life without someone who you care for deeply and they are no longer there. sucks right...i know 1st hand..anywho me momma anita pops walker, his sis (by the way is a hsgrad nex week YYAAAYY) and lilbro plus grandma and my momma....i only wish he could be here...so much to tell him.


next topic...so i feel like ppl dnt understand me and relationships...well i dnt do well in them ever since yes, i got my heart broken....its just not the same..i met a nice guy then he turns into a load of bullshit....but the resent guy isnt just i think im on another page which i have tryed to let him know but doesnt understand...then there is the mr. ex huband....something is tellin me to wait wait and you will know what is right with that situation...well sorry but i dnt wait for anyone not even my mother....you either want it or dnt...we are way to grown to be playing these childish games of life....i have a plan and im gonna check every bit of it off my list....im gonna graduate and make something of Faith Foxx....im gonna go to grad school in chicago or new york..im gonna travel the wrold and met so many different ppl...ill be damned if i move back to memphis and live there till my time to go home.....i refuse on it absolutly.....so while you think im gonna wait im not im gonna be on my merry f'in way and get that money the way i know how....im sick im making something a priority and not an option like i have been so many times...i guess this trophy you refferred me to isnt worth much...well damn if thats how you feel....

oh ladies if you live with your man and your not married i beg of you to have that XXX bank account...you never kno when your gonna need that money..some say is wrong to have this but i am a frim believer that all women need it...man change as do women but there comes a time when you break up and then things start to fall apart...where are you gonna go..wil your family take you in like you think they would or arew you in another city si you need to get away from him is he PSYCHO crazy...well that money will be there when you need it...he doesnt know about it. the only two ppl that should is that best friend who was your friend 1st and wont tell him or that oh so concerned family member...cause i he gotta do is call YALLS bank and freeze the account or even take you off....have we as ladies not learned from the movie ENOUGH!!! but im on some real life shit right now....jus do it!!!


so i recently lost another close friend by the unthinkable MURDER...well i found out that it was a hate crime becuz he was gay....i thought i lived in a better country then that but i guess not....well this is a message to his killer:
i dont know you, you dont know me but you took a man off of this earth who was truly needed...not matter what kind of life he chose God never gave you the right to murder because God would never do such...so know tihs YOU WILL BURN IN HELL SLOWLY!!!

cell phones are overrated...



im still all wraped up believe it or not......

almost here.........

so its almost the bestfriends day of birth and its the 21st...sucks we cnt party. ill be bk...this is gonna be hard...LOVE U SANTEZ DIBRIEL WALKER!!!!

back at it.confused.yet hurt all in one

so im abck it i once again in my life. so the bestfriend that still lives got married and now is in the navy. a lifetime committment.yea so not cool with me but he is grown i cant make decisions for him. im sitting here looking at pictures over and over again..i cnt seem to get him back this time.there is not gonna be a call in a few weeks days or even months there is no coming back to this point where we once were at with each other. everyone new we were bestfriends..everyone new that it was ez n nik..no one every tried to break that up until she came along and i didnt make it clear enough to you or her that me n you been in it to win it for a long time and that she could be apart of it for your personal sake...im so not a blocker never have been never will be...but i got a red flag when she got an emailed me bout moms..his moms that is...you are kicked off the list when you say nasty words about the parents no matter what has happen even if they are wrong you never do that..its just wrong to call them out of their names..i hope and pray this move was your decision and not her's cause i can see your already living in hell...yea you been there since the record store night. i could tell in your eyes. this wasnt somthing you wanted to stick with but you did for the sake of love you thought you were in. i only can as about you now thur grandmother..she says your ok but who really even knows if you are..i love you so much you would understand it.so what im gonna do is continue to pray about it and not worry cause the only one who holds the key to our hearts is really God.. he is the only one that make it better or should i say make a rainy day into a SUNNY one with birds singing.

thinking......

so i been thinking all day how things arent goin my way...why is that...we only have 5 weeks of school. then i sadly have to go back to memphis for the summer...maybe this will be my time to stack money and get my car and return back to school on top of my shit....i just hate that im goin back to memphis...i hate it..i really wanna stay here in nashville but im wanting my own place...so it all depends on what happens in these next few weeks.....
so i might be goin to cali for a summer trip but i really wanna go to DC for the 4th of july...i could see my cousin and chill shop eat some good food and be at peace..

personal feelings

so yea today was a good day. i slept till i wanted which was late in my day. i watched a few movies on the TV and rested. then went to the alpha fish fry..nice nice...then chilled with my my and mica. went to my fav O'Charley's reminded me of this date i went on but thats no longer important right now. but any who ... Mr. Shockin upset me yesterday. i wasnt p-d-a-ing which he thought was me not wanting to be around him in publice or somthing really crazy.. well world if you didnt know now you do...i HATE PDA as for myself...im a very private person when it comes down to it. i like to keep my pda behind doors...its nobdy's business what i like to do with my MAN damn....no im not ashamed of you i just keep my personal life personal..thats why its my personal life not public....but there is no reason for him to be upset...but any who..i had afew thoughts of Mr. (EX)Husband durin the week...they were kind of good thoughts although i dislike this sitcome he wants to act out...but its now sunday and i need to get up for church so this is good nite.and...

im still all wraped up in it....

short end

ao i cant figuare y i get the sort end of the stick..mom says that i need to move on but hey he has been there when i really needed him..we care for each other but the factor of the distance and that i have mr. shockin and he got ms.25..yea idk where this will end up..i need to make a trip to my soon to be home chicago...ive figuared it out...the school i wanna do my grad programs at yea programs..anywho...im so ready for that point in my life where its just me..just me..i got it but that the way i want it..so imma jus take wat i got now and deal with it..focus on the remaining 9 to 7 weeks of school left..find a job a car.and a place to lay my head and money for summer school..back on the short end..its been a week since ive seen mr. husband..wow i hate when ppl promise things and dont fullfill..thats one of my rules everyone should know dnt promise me that it will happen and its a week or year later and still hasnt happened..so imma jus suck it up got to church tuesday then celebrate mr.shocking's 21st day of birth...yea that will be extremely fun...Yay for mr. shocking and his o so sweet text messages in the morning...i learn something new everyday about myself and the ppl around me. chi bestie was here and still is..we had a great time last nite a senses yea senses...it was the same ole shit..same ppl i no longer kick it with but some ppl i missed extremely like my bro i missed de, kev, n dan..anywho im now rambling on cause i dnt wanna pack for this trip back to big blue country...until again


still wrapped in the enigma

WOW on 3.11.09...thisis your Warning!!

so today was semi great..spent some time with mom..just went to see sick cousin who is gettin better. YAY for prayer...then got some of my fav. Gus's Fried Chicken...Point for mom!!! YAY...so then we go pick up my brother from his gal house and why is there this malibu in front of us with get this "Mr. Triflin" on the back window..Wow that made my f'in day.....like yall have now clue...Mr. Triflin made me happier about my day...i just cant seem to understand why he would want that on his car...do women really approach him n shit..if so they betta watch out..they have been forwarned.....i Repeat You have been """"FORWARNED"""""....pic comin soon...

so this is was my moms car until my bro got in a wreck......God works out everything....its been a month and he is still in shock...........

im all wrapped up................

if we pray and worry what's the point of praying........

hurt

so im extremely hurting right now. in my heart.. no its not about any of the Mr.'s. Im sadden at the fact that it will already be a year for my aunt and my bestfriend.sucks ass...ya think...i was talkin with someone a few days agao about someone very close to them that she had lost...the way she deals with it is not visiting anything that has to do with him...wow how hard that will be. my phone has had this same pic on it since i found out and the same title n everything...i knew how to deal with my father pssing oddly but now this..idk how imma get thur this..i feel like a piece of me is really missing everyday i wake up..yea i just said that out loud..im really confused at how to deal with him no longer being here...i need my bestfriend fix right now..i need to laugh and go chill in the park..i need that kiss on the cheek that he knows i love...i need that bestfriend talk were he finish's my sentences...no one can finish them the way he does...he could explain me so much better then my own mother...when will the pain stop...i need a date time place..when i really need this...

faithspain

so get this right... I recieve a text from Mr. husband..yea what a fin surprise to me as well...so i think we are gonna be on our way off dwntw to our spot well no..he planned to jus roll thur..which pisses me off, then his bestfriend is standing right there listening to everything i have to say which i dont mind...imma just tell it like it is to him..im dn bullshit around and stepping around everyones feelings but my own.. he tells me that he cares for me dearly and didnt know how to tell me but now he wants to let it all out on the table..wow..now you do this right now...By the way Mr. Shockin is still on my mind....why couldnt you have told me this so many months ago..now i have all of this on my heart and its not gonna just go away.. but then we had a date tonite at 10 right well thats just not happening as it is 10:08 now...he had to CANCEL..why do i always get the short end of the stick..you said you want me to be with you in the end...but this is NOT going to ruin my Spring Break...Mr. Shocking said he might just be comin home for a few days so i might jus get to see him sooner then i thought...all Cheers for Mr. Shocking!!! soo once again Mr. Husband will be pushed aside as he has pushed me the opposite direction of himself.
well thats it for tonight......

FaithsLove

AM I ???

am i ready for a relationship. can i see myself with one person as of right now. i really want God to answer this question it jus seems i cnt fig out if he is say this is the right time for me...or do i need to do some more soul searching...not sayin im bout to jump right into a relationship tomorrow...hell naw...neva been able to do that...i have to spend time and learn the person first...friends 1st...that is a top one....what i want out of it...a guy who is goin to love God more then himself or I.have respect for me and himself..know when i need encourageing words...which is daily..not when im sad or dwn...when im happy..is the best..listens to what i have to say...and mcuh more i cnt name it all....waiting paitently..........

Faiths Love

its a NEW DAY!!!

so its thursday and im finally home...yea already nothin to do jus yet...so i was texting Mr. SHOCKING the whole way home. amazing yes...im not gonna say this is different, wen i speak that it always ends up the same...so its shockin to me.. so its been on my mind what now that im home will Mr. Husband(soon to be Mr. EX Husband) step up to the plate and do what he says he wants to do...Moms is sayin Hell No....so imma jus let the ball roll...personally...im not gonna kill to get him to understand me..uve know me this long its time to grow up and realize what you have in front of you...Surprisingly Mr. Shocking is saying all these great things bout me which most are tru i might say myself jus the fact he can see certain things and have such a heart...im not tryna sit n wait for him to do wrong which i hope he wont do...Mr. SHOCKing is a really great guy and has potential...Mr. Basketball on the other hand has got to figuare out that its not the same i gave you your 2nd i dnt give thirds...so much mess up already i cnt take anymore...friends maybe but idk if that will work..Mr. Music things are done...you aint right in the head you jus aint...i cnt do it anymore...so Mr. Shocking is constanly in my mind weird hell yea...good guys like this dnt come around to often..he might jus be a keeper.

90...20 naw that a 5

wow chi jus used the 80 20 thing...Wow so i kinda feel like she was right but there is sumthing puzzling me...the fact yo dum hoe done called me from yo damn fone..nigga how dum is that shit...then you both proceed to come in my direction and she ask outloud(ARE PPL SCARED OF MY FONE) BITCH HELL NO!!! WHY THE FUK AM I SUPPOSE TO BE SCARED...i really cant stand dum bitch's..like this is not high school this is college.im gettin a fuckin career after this.you think im goin to let you block ova a nigga who had the "G"..hope he told you but you might already have the meds for that so yall actually make the perfect couple..so is this harsh of me...naw its really not. i rather have said some of this shit to your face but its really a waste of breath that i refuse to use in my day or of lifetime.im so much bigger this this shit. i deserve way much better then this type of BULLSHIT..so bitch Im the f'in 90 and you will always be the f'in 5 nt the 20 not even close..also bitch im need you to learn respect.repsect cause when that bitch ass hoe from back home got disrepectful she got the f'n business n that No F'in Pun(thanks xoxo)learn yo place or imma snap n show you yo place like no otha.n dnt bring yo girls into that shit cause they aint got shit to do with it bitch its a one on one thing baby gal..n i dnt like actin out its jus not lady like. oh n if you really think that those three orgs. want you you gotta anotha thing comin...they gone see right through yo shit so fast you not gone kno what fn hit that face of yours. faithslove is ending..goodnite

new car and new house!!!!!!!!

so God put this person in my mother's life and mine and now i have been givin the biggest blessin of all times. im gettin a new car and a house YES a HOUSE im so thrilled. my own place. Ive wanted one ever since i had my aprtment at crichton. this is bomb for real....cant wait!!! sooo GEEKED

ever.....

ever had sumthin infront of your face and nt goin for it. well he was infront of my face and now i want him back in that spot only thing is the distance and im not comfortable with that. its eating away at me everytime i try ti talk nothin comes out right. i think im scared and thats crazy cuz most times ill go for it and nt think twice. im scared of lonely but im scared that it wont be him in the end. he knows so much. i want us to work but us workin cnt us being at the same damn school. we both need our own lives and him hear n me n nash jus seems to damn scarey. i need him to holed me when i feel dwn. he cnt do that 3hrs away. this sucks big time. i really think he has opened my eyes. but i need to let him kno that. bt how???

time to reflect on 2008 and bring in 2009

reflect in 2008
i went thur two of the biggest loss of my life.
my auntie Josephine and My Bestie of all time Mr. Santez Dibirel
i miss them dearly and wish they could have made it this far as did i.
i met one of the coolest chic's at chase to the wolf macys ever!!
My Chi bestie SunSh!ne! she be the bomb!!
ive made a change in schools dnt kno if that was a great choice just yet.
uuummm i kno what color runs in my veins watch out fall 2k9!!!
ive grown in my FAITH yep!!! God is Amazing in so many ways!!
he has truly shown me the true meaning of friendship and love
i know who my tru friends are and who are just in my life for a season better yet a semester.
Ive learn that i need to listen before i speak sumthin ive never been good at but continue to be judge on...ne who
learn that life is no longer a effin joke and that my dreams are right infront of my effin face WOW!!
Oh OH OH OH
i CUT my effin hair and love it. Its the tru me ive been missin
Sumthin my dear auntie jo taught me was to be tru to me and to who God made me to be.
I learn what will get me off track and who will get me off track yea.
i learn that fo sho
i learn that love will come to me when the time is right and i will never figuare out the time when ever that day will come
ive grown passion for this life ive been given even more
ive learn to concur the day and not to worry about the little things


bringing in 2009

life is going to be grerat as long as Ive got Jesus. J-E-S-U-S!! Yes!!
i will focus on the future in my life and not the past.
i will not let the past try to walk back into my life like nothing even happen
I will wait for Gods work to be done and not try to take over.
call my grandfather more(dads dad) he truly loves me no matter what
will stop and smell this green earth God has blessed us with.
get on my grind even better.
get that all black altima i saw for less then 15000!! NOW!!!
got to bed before the sunrises
find a better job then the informationdesk
work out more alot more
LEARN EVERTHING I CAN ABOUT MY GUITAR!!! (name comning)
Give all i got to God and my family and To MYSELF EVEN MORE!!